david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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