Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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