Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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