If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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