I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Randomize
