I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
two words: eviction party
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
