you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
