I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
They have beer where we have blood.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
