drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
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some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
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Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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