Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
