Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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