smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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