The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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