That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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