Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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