I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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