He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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