btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
