So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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