It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
