Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
