He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
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You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
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He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So here I am, sexting at work.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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