Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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