after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
