It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
