Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
