listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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