Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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