I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
