we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
