someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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