The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
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I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
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So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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