so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
