Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
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I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
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It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
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