sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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