i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
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One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
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Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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