I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
