Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
