Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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