I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Randomize
