I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
