She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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