I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
