NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
