who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
