If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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