Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
