a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
