Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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