Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
