my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
