It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
