2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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