I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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