Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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