There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
