Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
