Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
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