So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
