Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
