I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
