brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i now understand why vodka
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
