I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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