Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.